Shes jokes

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Why did the woman get raped in the ass?

She assed for it.

A man went to a library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide.

She replied "Oh fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw!

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.

The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.

Yo mama's so poor that she only watches Frozen to hear Elsa sing "Let It Go."

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.

Yo mama so fat and old, she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs!

Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

Silence...................punch!

Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!

Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.

Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.