Shes Jokes

Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?

Because she got Avogadro's number!

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11

Yo mama is so dumb, she plays Pokémon and doesn’t catch any.

Yo momma's so ugly that she made One Direction turn into the Other Directions.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"

I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought baseballs were at Batman!

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.

Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairs to heaven.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."