She jokes

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

Little Johnny was not paying attention in class, so the teacher told him, "Do you know what happens when you don't pay attention?"

Little Johnny said, "No, what?"

She answered, "The principal's office."

Then little Johnny said, "Hey teach, do you know what it means when you have balls on your chin?"

The teacher answered, "No, what?"

"You have a d!ck in your mouth!"

Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.

Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

She wanted to be for sure for sure!

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.

The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.

Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.

After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."

Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.

Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

Your mama's so crazy, she cooks her chicken drumsticks in raspberries and milk.

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.

Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.

Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!

Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

My girl walks in the room in nude mode and sat on my dick. I said, "What up, your pussy?" She said, "Your dick."

Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"