Seem Jokes

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

I would try to make a Fortnite joke, but i can't seem to build on it.

-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-

a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"

she says "im going to jump"

the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"

the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says

"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"

By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? i can't seem to "come up" with one myself.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

I never make that type of joke they always seem to crash and burn

All my 9/11 jokes seem to fly too low.

I'm so glad I am not gay. It seems like a pain in the ass.

LOL

Children, and your meat are actually quite similar. At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

I have so many cash machine jokes But none of them seem to work ATM

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :) -> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game and here in this world we are here for each other although at times it might not seem like it. keep strong and you'll find the end of the tunnel but ending the pain and bieng gone just spreads depression.

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing I always seem to get shot

(wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing) i have said this countless times but it doesnt seem to be getting through to u; quit hating on particular jokes. U dont like it? Nobody cares. Dont go into the morbid jokes category u idiots ffs

I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

I'm no an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology

You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

I Didnt ask:❌️

Im sorry but it doesnt seem that anyone meeded this information and there doesnt seem to be any chance anyone will need this imformation in the future: ✔️

walter idk man seems kinda sus

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says “Your mother, of course.” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says “You’re so so sexy!”