Seem jokes

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.

Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?

A: They always seem to cut a little too close.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.

The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

I should probably stop making emo jokes.

They just don't seem to cut it anymore.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

Bro, your forehead so big Dakota's forehead seemed small.

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

Ya forehead so big Sakura's forehead seemed small.

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

I’d tell BlessedBrian to aim for the stars, but it seems like his GRAVITATIONAL PULL is holding him back.