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Three Vulcans walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
"Quack, quack."
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.