Say jokes

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.

He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.

Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"

The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."

The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.

So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.

So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"

So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.

Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?

A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?

What did the helicopter say to the mountain?

Kobe.

What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

I asked the orphan why he was crying. He didn't really say anything.

Then I asked where are your parents? He cried more. I love working at the orphanage.

I’m about to go to the orphanage to say yo mama jokes.

What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?

I’m Zaptos intolerant!

What did one Geodude say to the other Geodude?

Let’s rock!

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."

My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."

What did one nut say to the other nut? "The guy in the middle's a dick!"

You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.

Friend: I must order more nuts.

Hey, look, it's that "TRAINS gender" guy. He says, "I like trains." Uh oh!

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."