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They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

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    • An Asian walked up to another Asian that was crying.

    He asked, "Is somting wong?"

    The other guy says, "I was i a noh paking zon."

    I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

    A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

    A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

    The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

    Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

    Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

    My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

    Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.