You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.
