Right jokes

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.

What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?

Guns only have one trigger.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

Why couldn’t the guy make bubbles?

He couldn’t find the right solution.

Why didn't the right angle go to college? Because he had 90 degrees.

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.

"Left, center, right, and apolitical, also skeptical, are also a joke."

What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?

This guy, yep, this guy right here.

So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!

Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?

A: "Those are two nice towers right there."

If 7 8 9 why was ten scared?

It was right in the middle of 9/11.