The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
Why couldn't the T-Rex clap?
Because he's dead.
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
