Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!
Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
No one ever forgets it! <3
I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.
A guy ate your hairline because it reminded him of a McDonald's fry!
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
I love trash bags because they remind me of my heart... black.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.
Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"
A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
What time do you call me tomorrow?
Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.
I will be back on tomorrow at 5pm CST.
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
