Relationship

Relationship Jokes

Teddy Bear

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

Marriage

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

Meat

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

Blood

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

Guy

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Map

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Key

What’s the key to a successful relationship?

Consent.

Sense

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

Secret

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

Sex

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Milk

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

Bullseye

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

Train

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

Vacuum

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

Rapeboat

When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.