How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's a woman.
No, really. Why can't she drive?
Because she died.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Yo mama was really the reason why the Titanic sunk.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
