Man says "im flying" realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
As an honest Penaldo fan I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona. I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
You go up to a bar and say hi he doesn’t look at you you keep saying hi he says what then you realize that he is the one that u stole his lady from but then he doesn’t give you any drink you say why he screams at you and then says YOUR FIVE
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up.
Banker: I have the right to take your money! Me: Check my name Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: realizes Me:😈🖐️ gimme gimme
The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes but then you realized it wasn't the dishes.
one day i walk up to a emo kid i realized he had a fresh cut so i grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him i like ya cuts g
when you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders
My friend was annoying me with bird puns I realized toucan play at this game
Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
I was doing a race and I started after everyone cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, because I can't go straight, if i'm gay...
i was trying to make homemade baby powder until i realized it isn't made from babies , oops wrong ingredient ... smh
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends. Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot. You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate."
When you realize your friend is standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend 👫 when suddenly a man 🚶took all of our bowling pins! 🎳 I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant 😱. I instantly realized it was Penaldo 😡
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
