Realization Jokes

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.

A lumberjack goes to a person's house.

Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.

I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh

Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!

Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!

The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.

The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.

Orphan: Realizes.

An assassin threatens a planet.

The planet remains calm.

The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"

I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.

But one day I realized, they Israel.