Read Jokes

What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?

50 Cents of Gray

What the can say to the tomato? Tomato tomato potato potato find twelve recipe for the both 👍🏾 I put on ingredient sticker read for tasting good..

ok guys quick update, what is going on with freshfry, Drew, and ALYA? all there doing is fighting and I want to put an end to it. So freshfry, Drew and ALYA all need to read this ok. First freshfry you should of just said ok the first thing he said, and Drew... really? you had to keep egging him on. I don't know about ALYA but its like cats and dogs fighting. Just pls stop fighting:(

What do you call a cow with no legs, ground beef, what do you call a cow with three legs, lean beef, what do you call a cow with two legs................ read the title.

If you read this, your life is a joke

me/Hey what book are you reading? him/" the twisted ones "me/ uh I guess that book is pretty TWISTED

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships. It's a sad state of affairs.

Depression jokes are wrong,stop making them there cruel and nasty So stop people are feeling like there hated when they read your orphan jokes or depression jokes so PLEASE stop

I just wanted to say... These disabled jokes are quite offensive. I'm not disabled in any way, but people reading might be affected in many ways. Yes, some of them are amusing, but there's a difference between having a joke and being plain rude. Please take my feedback into account. Thanks!

so i walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies i stole one not noticing my mom was behind me.....so my mom said PUT THE COOKIE BACK KID!!!!and i said i wasn ́t gonna eat it and she said then she said nevermind i ́ll get you ́re father so my mom said HONEY DEAL WITH YOURE SON I ́M GOING TO THE MALL!! and my dad said son if ur not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!!so he went into his room and i heard the belt and i was going to run but i knew it would be worse so he said this will be you ́re punishment as he was getting ready to hit me i said daddy no please i wasnt gonna was not going to eat it but he said NO U WONT CHANGE MY MIND LITTLE BOY then he hit me THANK YOU FOR READING STAY HEALTHY AND STAY SAFE IN THIS TIME BYE!!! read more of my jokes they ́ll prob be around the website!!

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me...

there was a kid at school he was reading a book and he came across a phrase it was purple pation he went to his teacher and asked what it ment his teacher said hat the actual hell get the hell out of my class and go to the princible offic the princible said its ok iwas probably a mistake i will clean this all up in the mean time whats the phrase he says purple pation his prncible stares at him for about 3 seconds then says get the hell out of my school u r expelled he ran 7 miles to his dads offic crying all the way he went to his dad and explained how hs teacher kicked him out of the class and the princable expelled him his dad said calm down i will clean this all up and he said thats what the princable said he said i will clean it up he said ok the phrase is purple pation hisdad said i hate u getout of myoffice i dont want to see u again he ran down crying to his house he explained what happened his mom said the same thing as everyone else so he explaines the phrase his moms kickes him out of the house and he ran down to the park crying a old lady said whats wrong he explained whats happening then she says wellwhats the phrase he says purplepation the old lady said see that house across the street thats my house come over in about 30 min and i will explain he says thank u it was the longest 30 min of his life he sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus sorry guys ;)

One time there was a happy lil girl then one day her teacher asked how many legs and arms do a pineapple have she said girl: You know those pokey things on it thats how many Teacher says: Thats dumb they have zero. then the next day the girl set a fire in her house and then she burned her legs and arms then she survived went to school then the teacher said i heard your house went on fire and btw you know you don ́t have no arms or legs right the girl said OK then the question the teacher asked yesterday asked the girl again she said what do u call a girl with no legs or arms? the teacher said ANSWER MY QUESTION the girl said OK OK the girl said 13 the teacher said PINEAPPLES DO NOT EVEN HAVE LEGS Then the teacher had to calm down then the teacher said to the girl ask a question whatever u want then the girl said ok and im sorry teacher teacher said its ok i need a break the girl said what do u call a girl without legs or arms someone from the class her name was nia she said a worm she said NO!!! the teacher said CALM DOWN JUST TELL US WHAT the girl said OK then the girl said it.......And yall who is reading my story guess what the answer is before i tell u and btw the girls name is sunny back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE then when the teacher was calm she told her to sit down then the teacher read a story The Three Little pigs then the girl went home she got a new house then lived happily ever after

The Pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales....

A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.

"I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."

"That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word of God is the most important message."

"T-t-t-t-th-th-th-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father... i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll s-s-s-s-se-se-sell what I c-c-c-cc-can..."

The pastor sends the man on his way.

About an hour later to the pastors surprise, the stuttering man returns with an empty box and $200 cash.

The pastor is completely shocked, but is ultimately filled with joy as the church could use the funds more than ever, not to mention the community is that much closer to God's message.

So without asking questions, he happily sends the stuttering man on his way with 2 more boxes of Bibles.

"T-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father, i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll be back s-s-s-s-s-soo-soo-soo-soon."

Exactly 2 hours later the stuttering man returns, only this time carrying 2 empty boxes and $500 cash.

The pastor is at a loss for words. So much so, that he's questioning whether the stuttering man is coming across these funds legitimately.

He pulls the man aside and asks, "Son, while myself and the church thank you for your efforts in selling these bibles, we want to make sure not to take advantage of common people. Most of my volunteers take upwards of a month to sell a single box of Bibles, and you've sold 3 boxes in a few hours. May I ask what you're telling these people when you approach their home?"

"W-w-w-w-we-we-well f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father it-it-it-it-its qui-q-q-q-qui-quite s-s-s-s-s-s-si-sim-simple."

"I ju-ju-ju-ju-just ask the-the-th-th-th-the-them if th-th-th-th-the-the-they'd l-l-l-l-li-li-li-li-lik-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-buy a b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bible or if they w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wan-want me to re-re-re-rea-read it to them."