Read jokes
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.
What do you call someone with a small dick... whoever is reading this 😉
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?
- He is very cold-blooded.
- Why?
- He is Ice Cube.
What the can say to the tomato?
Tomato tomato potato potato find twelve recipe for the both 👍🏾
I put on ingredient sticker read for tasting good.
9/11 hahahahaha. Lawrence, I hope you read this!
Being in a band without a pencil is as easy as reading snare drum music.
Me: Bomber333 is the imposter!
Other Crewmate: Why do you say that as if you know who the imposter is with 100% certainty?
Then he read my username and knew.
If you are a girl--you are allowed to read this.
Look down your shirt and spell attic.
I was looking forward to reading the short jokes to see if I could find my uncle.
Fuck all reading this.
Hi.
Read more.
Read this word:
Heroine.
Did you read it like the drug or like a female superhero?
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?
All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.