Reaction jokes
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.
Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?
Richard: No, I couldn't.
Richard's mom: Why?
Richard: Because he was cute.
My honest reaction when my mom said no
I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.
A horse walks into a bar.
Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
Men wake up with a boner.
Women wake up yawning.
Coincidence?
Tazzaro got me like: 😂
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Why do science jokes usually get no reaction?
Because they're so boron!
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."