How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!” Kid: “Whatever” Principal: Why did you have to swear” Because of that one demerit!” Kid; “Doesn't matter!” Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!” Kid: “Oh well!” Principle: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!” Kid: “Im try not to kill myself!”
I was at the bank yesterday. A lady asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
My wife is so ugly when she was born. The doctor said I did everything I could but she pulled through anyways. When she was born the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in said not done. The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said twins. He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the after birth.
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire now we call him hot wheels
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
I pushed a handicapped orphan out of his wheelchair. Who is he gonna tell, his parents?
Royal rebel and push so back they ever marble say that drink pushback
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Your hairline is so pushed back it looks like will smith slaped it back
yo hairline is to pushed back looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith
I pushed a disabled kid over and he came crawling back to me
Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
My mom told me to help her with the laser but it was opposite day so I pushed her down. She said help so I kick her
Your mama so fat when she grew an inch she pushed the earth down.
You're hairline is push backed farther than G.T.A. 6
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push
I pushed an orphan and they said I’m telling I asked to who your parents?
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
