Nut

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

Ball

I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*

Grave

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Bread

What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?

They become in-bread.

Hand

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

Skeleton

Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?

Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!

Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.

Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.

Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait

Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Roster

Why did the roster cross the road twice?

To prove it was not a chicken.

Place

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

Table

Why do tables never need wheelchairs?

Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

Testicle

Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."