An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey Jim!"
So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink, the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “alreight so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “ so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says”I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says” so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says” ok here you go” so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink
the past, present, and future walked into a bar. it was tense
a redneck and a black man walk into a bar and order a drink
A mushroom walked into a pub. He asked the bartender to give him a beer. The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy." The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "for you? No charge!"
A drunk walks into and says, "All lawyers are a$$holes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an a$$hole!"
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says "what the hell is that?". The pirate said "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!".
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks then he'll have to call his pub a Mars Bar
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man orders a beer one for him and one for the giraffe. After they finish their drinks the giraffe falls over and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door. The bartender says "Stop! you can't leave that thing lying on the floor" The man says "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe".
The Barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A Roman walks into a bar
He holds up two fingers and says "give me five beers."
