Pub jokes
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."