Position jokes
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
What did the atom say to the positive in math class? "We could make a positive number!"
Which sex position produces the ugliest children? Go ask your mother.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.