Politics jokes
Q: Why didn't the Oak tree win the election?
A: He didn't get the votes he was oaking for, because he was not the popular vote.
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.
In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?
Coronavirus and toilet paper.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
MAGAnon is the goat.
🦆🦆🦆
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
Texans: Don't mess with Texas.
*snows 1 inch*
Texans: Please help us, President Biden!
Why will America always lose in chess?
It lost its two towers!
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?
Reality.
No one:
Nothing:
Not a single f***ing soul:
Spanish Empire: DING DONG YOUR RELIGION IS WRONG!