Politician

Politician Jokes

Head

What do you call a decapitated politician?

A severed head of state.

Diaper

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.

Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.

Politics

"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon

Cat

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

Hand

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Man

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Head

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

Priest

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Shrek

Shrek and the Hulk became politicians.

And they created The Green Party.

Diaper

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Bathroom

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Hell

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

  • 0
  • Career

    If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

    Tony Abbott's career.

    Lawyer

    What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

    Chelsea Clinton.