Politician jokes
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
Hillary Clinton
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
What is white with red all over?...
JFK.
What is the difference between Joe Biden and a knife?
A knife has a point.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Shrek and the Hulk became politicians.
And they created The Green Party.
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?
'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.