One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Yo mama is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl and a plate and ketchup to the red zone.
Why couldn't an orphan play baseball?
He couldn't find home plate.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? They can't find home plate.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
What did the plate say to the other plate?
Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't have a home plate.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home plate is.
Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?
They don't know where home plate is.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they donāt need a license plate, because they donāt have a home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because there is no home plate.
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Yo head so big I can skate on yo head.
I'm talking bout real real big, set a plate on yo head, charge a phone on yo head, build a home on yo head, studio wide, write a song on yo head.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
He didn't know where home was.
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."
