You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.
Don't give up on your dreams...
Keep sleeping.
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone.
I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
What is a good night? Sleep tight, I have four.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
To get to a mattress store!
So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.
And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha
I love going to sleep at night.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"
The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."
Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.
