Pick jokes

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Sans: Zzzzzzzz.

Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it, dude?

Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??