Pick

Pick jokes

Line

    • Pick up lines.

    "One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

    "Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

  • 1

    • Misunderstanding

    • A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.

    The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.

    That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

  • 5

    • Grandmother

    • Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

    The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

    Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

  • 0
    • Pick memes

    Cancer

    • So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

  • 0

    • Rhyme

    • Jack and Jill went up a hill

    To pick some dill.

    Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,

    And he needed a painkiller pill.

  • 1

    • Orphanage

    • What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

    Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

  • 1

    • Phone Call

    • One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

    "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

    Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

    "Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

    "No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

    "No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

    "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

    "Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

    "Okay daddy!"

    *long pause*

    "Okay daddy! I did it!"

    "Great job Sally! What did she say?"

    "Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

    Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

  • 1

    • Soda

    • My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

    I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

  • 2

    • Orphan

    • Why can’t orphans pick up their phone after school?

    Because they need their parents to go pick it up.

    Whore

    • Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

    Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

  • 1