It's funny how Stephen hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking but he can't do any of those things
What's Stephen hawking favourite food - meals on wheels
Who's never the last man standing---Steven hawking
What does Steven hawking eat for breakfast his shoulder
How do u know Stephen hawking is having a seizures - he spills coffee on his I pad
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What did the neutrino say to the planet? -- "Just passing through."
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare? -- To be and not to be.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? -- Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes," the first says, "I'm positive."
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
I don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
