Personification jokes

What did the cake say to the fork?

"Do you want a piece of me!!!"

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"

The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are he he.

What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns? He/heeeeeee.

I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.