People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
A funny joke scenario Person 1: Why didn't he skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly fat and nobody liked him
Person 1 : "Where was Hiroshima?" Person 2 "In Japan" Person 1 "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Person 1:“Hey today was great” Person 2:“What happened” Person 1:“I ran into my ex today” Person 2:“What’s so great about that?” Person 1:“I was in my car”
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything and person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?
Person #2: No you can have it.
Person #1: Ok, thanks...
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: That’s about as far as I got too!
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11? Person 2: No, but'll probably crash and burn.
Person 1: hi i am tom.. and you ? person 2: andrew ?
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today? Person 2: “Seven” Person: 1: “What the fuck dude..” Person 2: “I know right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.” (Based on an encounter I had recently)
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
dumb person: wat idk mean
person 1: I don’t know
dumb one: oh u don’t know okie I ask googol
person 1: wait idk means-
dumb one (to googol): WAT DOS IDK MANNN
googol: I don’t know
dumb one: OH ME GOOOD EVEN GOGLO DOESYN KNOWWW
person 1- I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date. person 2- OMg
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: dunno what’s the minor population?
Person 1 " I love KFC" Person 2 "yeah, me too!" Person 1 " How many have you gotten?" Person 2 " How am I supposed too remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?" Person 1 " Chicken? What chicken, what do you think KFC stands for?" Person 2 "? Kentucky Fried Chicken?" Person 1 " What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children." Person 2 " BLOODY WHATT??"
Person 1: Hey did you here about the circus fire? Person 2: No. Person 1: it was in-tents
Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith." So Person 2 says to person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"
