Person jokes
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
Memes
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
Chloe Lutwyche, Bella Battese, and Hayley Wilson.
Lewis Clow
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.
Why did I trip over your foot?
Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!
What do you call a transgender person in a wheelchair?
An Autobot.
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
When you're born on 4/20/69...