People jokes

I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.

What's the best thing about 28 year olds?

- There's 20 of them.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?

Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?

Because their meat has to be in bread.

I am glass! People see right through me.

I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.

Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.