My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?
Her, probably.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.
I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."
What's an emo's favorite part about being dunked?
The hangover.
What's a bull's favorite body part?
An eye-BULL!
You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.
Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
What is a boxer's favorite part of a joke? The punchline.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.
Q. Which game does necro like the most?
Into the dead part 1.
I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
