Parent jokes
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Hey girl, are you an orphan?
Oh, that’s right, I’m your daddy.
One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
Why do orphans like stealing things?
They wanted to have company.
They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.
“You’re right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.
“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?