Parent jokes

What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?

Long sleeves.

What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?

"That is bull crap!"

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Why don't orphans go to the park?

Because their parents can't push them on the swing!

Why does an orphan play mum and dad?

'Cause they need self-love.

People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

What is an orphan’s favorite game? Adopt me.

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.