Parent jokes

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

Why do orphans want to die?

Because they might see their parents in Heaven.

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!

Why does an orphan play mum and dad?

'Cause they need self-love.

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

Why don't orphans go to the park?

Because their parents can't push them on the swing!

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

What is an orphan’s favorite game? Adopt me.

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.