Parent jokes

The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.

Why can't male orphans be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

Bully: Your mom hates you.

Orphan: I don't have parents ;)

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't call them "daddy."

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

To have someone to call "daddy!"

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.

Why did the orphan take a selfie?

Because he wanted a family portrait.

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

Why do orphans hate hide and seek?

Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.

How do Taliban parents feed their babies?

"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Why are orphans so naughty at school? It's not like the teacher is gonna call their parents.

Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.

Why couldn’t the underage orphan get on an adult-only website? Because you need your parents' consent.