Parent jokes
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
What is the other word for an orphan?
Paren't.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
I asked an orphan where his parents were.
(God, I wish I knew)
Orphans are human, too! They just don't know who their parents are or where! I know four sisters named Mariah, Kariah, Lariah, and Iariah and they said they are orphans, too! And they are sad and they don't like your jokes!
Twin Towers are like my parents: 2 left and 1 came back.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find a way home.
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have?
A family.
Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Groupings.
Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Schedule.pdf
Dear Grad Parents, Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear. There will be more information to follow in the coming days. Thank you.
(Shared from the "Wolves E-genda" app.)
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!