Parent jokes

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.

The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.

A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"

"Sure," said the little boy.

The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.

"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

Bully: Your mom hates you.

Orphan: I don't have parents ;)

Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?

'Cause he's dead like their parents!

The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.

Why can't male orphans be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple can trace back its family tree.

What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?

One gets picked.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't call them "daddy."

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and orphans?

At least the Twin Towers saw the parents they crashed on.

Do you think we should ask the orphan's parents' permission?

Wait... nevermind.

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

Why do orphans hate hide and seek?

Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.