Parent jokes

How are orphans like Spider-Man?

No way home.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple can trace back its family tree.

The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.

Why can't male orphans be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?

'Cause he's dead like their parents!

Bully: Your mom hates you.

Orphan: I don't have parents ;)

What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?

One gets picked.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't call them "daddy."

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.

What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have?

A family.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.

Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.