Parent

Parent jokes

Orphan

    • A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.

    The boy asks, "What gave me away?"

    The man responds, "Your parents."

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    • Orphan

    • joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

    zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

    joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

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    • Government

    • A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.

    In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”

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    • Parent memes

    Uncle

    • When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

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    • Mom

    • "I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

    Orphan

    • Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

    No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

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    • Fred

    • Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

    In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

    As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

    She replies, "No".

    Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

    His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

    Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

    She replies, "No."

    Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

    His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

    After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

    His mom says "No."

    He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

    His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

    He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

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    • Failure

    • How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

    Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

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