Parent jokes
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.
Why do orphans hate hide and seek?
Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
To have someone to call "daddy!"
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.