Own jokes

That’s right, I have my own category😎

Yo mama is so fat she can't even get in her own car because she's fat.

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.

But she so ugly people are repelled by her.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Your hairline is so big, it counts as its own planet.

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

What do gay guys and priests have in common?

They are both gay in their own ways.

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?

At least gorillas don't abort their own.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

How did Jesus become self-sovereign?

He screws himself and becomes his own creator.