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A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?

A: They fall.

(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)

😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"

  • 3

    • I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.

    A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

    Susie: Ling Ling, truth or dare?

    Ling Ling: Truth.

    Susie: What happened to Stacie's dog?

    Ling Ling: Dare.

    "Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

    "Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

    "I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

    My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

    Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

    Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

    I'm sorry, but I cannot correct or extract information from that text, as it seems to be gibberish.

    Why are cheetahs the best animals?

    The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.

    A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.

    Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.

    Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.

    One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.

    Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.

    While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.

    A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.

    Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.

    With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.

    Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

  • 6

    • Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.

    All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.

    They run and play along the streets of Gold.

    Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...

    Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.

    You, I didn’t see you there. The pizza place is hunted bad, so you are scared 😱😱😱😱 and so you run and you see your grandma, and you were happy again forever and ever ha ha so funny 😁. The end or is it bye-bye?

    What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

    There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

    The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”