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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D's.

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

  • 1

    • Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.

    Trashy pig woman: Why?

    Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

    Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."

    Trashy pig woman: "Why?"

    Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

    If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

  • 4

    • What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer.

    What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer.

    What do u call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls? Still no f*#$in eyed deer.

    Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

    Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

    Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

    Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

    Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

    Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

    Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

    Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

    Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

    Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

  • 4

    • An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.

    Man: "Hey, cute lady!"

    Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."

    Man: "Not for long!"

    And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.

    Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"

    Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."

    Woman: "Never."

    And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.

    Man: "You look like a dream."

    Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."

    Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"

    Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"

    And then the man orders flowers and candy.

    Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."

    And the man shoots the bartender.

    Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.