OR jokes
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!
Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
Smash or pass the Twin Towers?
Planes: Smash
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"