Opération jokes

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

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    • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

    “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

    The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

    Man: What's up?

    Me: I'm annoyed.

    Man: Why?

    Me: I stole my gf's heart.

    Man: So why are you annoyed?

    Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

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    • Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

    Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

    Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

    Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

    *Operator hears a distant gunshot*

    Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

    Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

    The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

    A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:

    "I have good news and bad news."

    The wife said: "What's the good news?"

    "We managed to save his arm."

    "What's the bad news?"

    "We couldn't save the rest of him."

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    • My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

    She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

    A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"

    The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."

    The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."

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    • A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

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