One jokes

Me: Tells a racist joke on the internet and no one bats an eye.

Also me: Tells the same joke at KFC and everybody loses their mind.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

What’s one good thing about pedophiles?

They drive slow in school zones.

Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.

Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.

What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.

For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.

Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...

Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.

Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.

And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...

There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.

So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.