what is the difference between a priest and mcdonalds? nothing, they both stick their meat in between 12-year-old buns
is your hairline and forhead old friends. cause they go wayyyy back
Your mom is so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her
Your mom is so dumb she called me asking for my phone #
OLD KLADYBOFSIYTFJT
Once there was an old lady..... Congratulations stop bragging !!!
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight year old girl then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture and train her as a suicide bomber
My wife is pregnant with a 3 year old so I gave her medicine but now she’s pregnant with a 5 year old
Mia’s mother has 5 kids Lilly abby Alexa mila and.... Q: who is last A: Mia Knock knock who’s there little old lady little old lady who little old lady you don’t need to yodel about it
What do you call an 18 year old orphan...? Homless
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What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I heard China aborts 25% of female babies. That's a lot of dead 3 year old gender affirmed girls.
Same old boring ass day, until a person Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention. He really shook things up today.
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
I told my mom to get rope for a project and when she got home I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
your hairline is so mesed up i thot a 2 year old cut you up
I got a ps5 for my nine year old sister. At the time I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore
jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
Once the old lady told me she had wisdom but After she voted🤯
