What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
