Novelty jokes

One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.

Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

The happier they get, the less they see.

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

Suicidal people are groundbreaking.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

Neither has he.