Not jokes
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Memes
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that is not coming back? A: A stick.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isnāt a joke, but why not?
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.
Iām not calling you a slut, Iām calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyoneās pants!
Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.