No one jokes
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."