Newness Jokes

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

„You’re not going to have time to finish this,“ the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet. „Yes I will,“ replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

„No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.“ The student looked incredulous and angry. „Do you know who I am?“

„No, as a matter of fact I don’t,“ replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. „Do you know who I am?“ the student asked again. „No, and I don’t care,“ replied the professor with an air of superiority. „Good,“ replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love", so take that as you will.

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What where your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

Elmo- welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia

dude- why are we close to Disneyland.

kid- I don't know. Elmo- rule 1 you must not tell the afforests or Bob Iger about us.

meanwhile Officer- come on Elmo you're going to prison. *Officer arrests Elmo* Elmo- But who wants Tickels.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!

As a son I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CCD. It was on speaker so me and mom hear both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.