Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

Because the sign says "No Tres passing."

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?

Take a flute and shove it up your ass.